Saving the Spring
by dream.brother63
Summary: Lyssa Brensel is lonely, though she'd never admit that to anyone. But when her friend Anna sets her up with Gabriel, she never guesses where is friendship will lead. Or to whom. RnR!
1. Chapter 1

Hey

**Hey**

**So I wasn't going to post this originally, and I'm sure there's some who would prefer me to post updates rather than a new story, but this just sort of came to me and I couldn't help it. I just kept getting ideas for it, and had to right it down. Its sort of like a companion to What You Need, even though What You need isn't finished yet, but they share some characters etc etc. Enjoy! And please review! **

**Chapter 1**

"Okay. Next question."

I rolled my eyes and stubbed my cigarette out in the ash-tray my best friend, Anna Ray, had placed pointly infront of me when I'd arrived. We were sitting on the floor of her new villa-house, surrounded by burgundy cushions and bottles of wine. In the background, the lazy vocals of Norah Jones drifting in dim candle-light.

"Fine," I said, pushing the ash-tray away and taking a sip of lemonade. "Shoot."

She narrowed her eyes at me, suspicious of my agreement, but she didn't question me. She glanced down at the _Dolla_ magazine in her hand.

"Best kiss?"

I grimaced. There wasn't much of a choice there. Unless you counted drowning in your Top 5. Or alcohol induced face eating. Or cheating ex-boyfriends who'd found they liked their dick licked by strippers rather than their girlfriend.

"They've all been pretty awful," I said finally. Not even exaggerating. From day 1 of my kissing experiences, (behind the school labs, 15 years old), every single kiss had ranged from awful to mediocre. I'd hesitate to call any of them my 'best'.

Anna glanced up from the magazine in surprise.

"Surely they haven't been _all_ bad."

I raised an eyebrow her and she frowned at me.

"Are you sure you're not just expecting too much?"

I don't know. Was I? Was it really to much to ask that I not drown on my first date? Because that was what Greg had felt like. My mouth had filled with saliva the moment he'd shoved his tongue down my throat.

"Maybe," I replied impassively and lit another cigarette. I didn't usually smoke, but I was on a drinking sabbatical, and I had to have _something_.

Her frown shifted to my cigarette. "Those things will kill you, you know."

I took a drag and nodded at the wine-glass, brimming with sparkling ruby liquid, that she dangled delicately between two fingers.

"So will that."

She just rolled her eyes, and looked back at the magazine.

"Okay, question 7. What do you look for in a guy?"

"Smart." I said instantly. "_Not_ a pot-head."

Anna grinned, "Anything else?"

_Was_ there anything else? I wasn't the sort to chase after 'hunks' or 'studs'. Greg had been a hunk. Jock-handsome, with chiselled features and wavy blonde hair. And after him, I was more impressed by university degrees than big penises. Atleast a university degree couldn't end up in another woman's mouth. Still, I didn't go for hideous either. I _do_ have standards. Usually.

"I guess it wouldn't hurt for them to be easy on the eye," I said finally, thinking of Layne Heart, Anna's long term boyfriend. _He_ was hot, and Anna didn't seem to mind in the least.

"Oh come on, Lyssa, spill. What _really_ turns you on?" Anna sat forward, waiting almost breathlessly. Girl-talk was something I'd never willingly participate in, so I suppose for her, this conversation _was_ a big deal. And her only chance for atleast another few months.

I know that Anna thought the only reason I avoided talking about boys was because I shy. But she was totally wrong. Shy wasn't even the start of my problems. I just didn't _know_. I don't know what I found attractive because I'd never been attracted to anyone before, not fully. And I didn't know what turned me on because none of my flings had managed that. Or if they did, I was so off my face on something I didn't even remember it. And I didn't have some sort of pre-arranged lover that would one-day pop out of my head onto the side-walk and be my 'perfect match'. I hadn't dreamt of my wedding as a kid. Or fantasized about Mr Perfect in science class like Anna and her friends.

I used to think something was wrong with me in high school, since I'd never chased after the jocks like the rest of the girls had. I'd never sighed over Orlando Bloom or Chad Michael Murray, and I had never, _ever_, declared myself hopelessly in love with someone.

Which is exactly why I answered "I don't know" to Question number 7 of Find-Your-Perfect-Match _Dolla_ quiz.

"You don't know?" Anna asked me incredulously. "How can you not know?"

I shrugged and took a long drag of my cigarette.

"Isn't there something, like, hair colour, or eye colour? Or _something_?" she persisted, as if it were the most horrific thing in the world not to _know_. I shrugged again, and took another, long, drag.

Then her eyes widened, and realisation hit her. "Lyssa Brensel, please tell me you've had _sex_ before."

I glared at her. "What do you think?"

"Well, I always…I dunno, just assumed…with Greg, you know."

"_Greg_?"

She frowned, "You guys did date for almost 6 months."

I shuddered. "Please, don't remind me. Even if he hadn't cheated on me, I don't think I _ever_ would have…well, you know."

"So you've _never_ had sex?"

I looked away uncomfortably. This wasn't a topic I had wanted to get in to. Or ever talk about. "I didn't say that," I said quietly.

"Then with _who_?"

"I don't remember." I admitted finally. And what I do remember still gives me nightmares, I added to myself silently.

"You lost your virginity and you don't even remember who to?"

I shrugged, and pretended to lose interest in the topic. "Come on, next question."

"Oh no. You're not getting off _that_ easily. Atleast tell me when."

I sighed heavily, what could it hurt anyway? I hadn't even known Anna then. "I was 16. At a party," I told her.

Anna's eyes widened incredulously. "And you've never…since then?"

"It wasn't exactly the best experience of my life."

She waved her hand dismissively, "it's the same for everyone. It hurts a little, but still. Most people try it atleast _once_ more before going spinster."

I thought of that night. The darkness. The flash of auburn hair. The bruising. The blood. The laughter. No, I was sure Anna, atleast, didn't experience _that_ her first time. But I had been telling the truth when I said I didn't remember. I honestly didn't. Only little bits of pieces that still haunted me. I _knew_ what had happened to me, but I don't remember it _happening_.

"Well, I didn't," I told her snappishly, and she, sensing my mood finally, let the subject drop.

She picked up the magazine again, and glanced over the questions. "Well, the rest are kind of pointless now. Favourite position. Favourite flavoured condom. It's all sex."

I winced a little, and hoped she didn't notice. I'd never been comfortable talking about sex. Or listening to other people talk about it. Or _thinking_ about it. So what I was 24? I knew I wasn't ready. And if hot-ass teenage girls wanted to test the waters at 14 then fine by me. I'd had enough already. And it wasn't like I hadn't _tried_. I'd tried the kissing. I'd even gone further than kissing numerous times. Adult men didn't settle for just kissing, not unless they really liked you. And I doubted any of the guys I'd dated ever felt any kind of affection for me that would have let them understand. Or care.

Anna threw the magazine carelessly across the room, and took a long sip of her wine. Almost out of habit, she checked the clock. I knew she was waiting for Layne to come home. It was as if she timed her life off Laynes coming and goings. At times, I was jealous, if only because I knew that it meant Anna no longer needed me. Not as much as I needed her. But I was happy for them, really. Happy she'd found someone like him, and that they just _worked_.

Nevertheless, her checking the time was my cue to leave.

"It's getting late Anna, I should go." I got up so she didn't try and convince me to stay, and pressed out the creases in my long, patterned skirt.

"You don't have to leave Lyssa," she pouted. But her eyes moved to the clock again, and I sighed.

"It's a big day tomorrow," I said cheerfully, "school excursion you know."

Anna shuddered delicately; she had never been a fan of kids. Though I knew Layne was. And I had noticed the speculation in his eyes whenever he looked at Anna. I wondered if some magnificent blow-ups would be due soon.

"I won't keep you then." Anna stood up. "Though I know Layne would have liked to see you."

Yeah, sure he would, I thought, looking into Anna's sea-green eyes. In her pyjamas, she looked sexily tussled, and I was sure Layne would like me even more if I let him have Anna alone for the next few hours.

"Tell him hi for me," I said, moving to the door. I don't do hugs. Or cuddles. Or goodbyes. Or don't do them well, anyway. My family had never been affectionate, and even Anna hadn't managed to break me out of that habit.

"Sure I will. See you sometime then."

"Yeah, sure."

I opened the door and stepped outside into the rain.

I was pulling on my heavy cloak I'd left on the doorstep when I saw Layne. He didn't see me at first, and was fiddling with his over-coat, struggling to pull it around his head before he got to soaked that Anna would make him change before he ravaged her on the floor.

As he made his way towards the front door I studied him closely, seeing the ruffled blonde hair and friendly face. A little lined around the edges, but they were laughing lines, and comforting. He looked contented and happy. Even after almost 5 years of dating, he still looked forward to coming home every night, just to see Anna.

I smiled at him a little wistfully. "Hey Layne."

He looked surprised when he saw me, "Lyssa, leaving already?"

"Yeah, got work tomorrow. Anna's waiting for you inside." I grinned as I said this, and he returned it easily, happily.

"Have a nice night, then," he said, and walked past me into the house.

I watched the front door close behind him, heard Anna's squeal of laughter, followed by his own deep chuckle, and smiled again, and, still smiling, stepped out into the night and began the long walk home.

XXXX


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

My apartment block wasn't a long walk from Anna's new villa, but it was long enough to get me wet. Long enough that as I trudged up the central spiral staircase of my apartment block, I was more angry than frustrated, and stomped up the stairs grumpily in my sodden clothes, so loudly that Mrs White downstairs poked her head out irritably and told me to "sod off or shut up."

I sodded off miserably.

In no way was my mood made any better on discovering that my room-mate Ben, hopeless being that he is, had locked me out of my own apartment. And hadn't even left a key under the doormat.

"For fucks sake," I groaned, sagging against the door and beating one pathetic fist against it an half hearted attempt to fuel my anger and build up enough energy for me to _kick_ the damn door down, "this _cannot_ be happening."

With a sigh I rocked back, and glared at the door. It was blue, and the colour had worn in thin strips. It was badly in need of a paint. Maybe I'd make Ben do it, as punishment.

I sighed and began to gather my energy. "Ben!" I called, "You little arsehole, wake up and unlock the fucking door!"

I didn't care who heard me. I was so beyond caring I didn't even flinch when I heard Mrs White open and slam her door pointly. Again.

"Ben! Damn you, open this door." And I beat on it with my fists, just for good measure.

Finally, I heard movement inside.

A shuffle of cloth.

Then the jingle of keys and a chain.

The door opened slowly, and Ben stood there, blinking blearily, his long sandy hair ruffled from sleep, his night shirt buttoned half way up, with most of the buttons in the wrong holes.

I glared at him.

"Do you have any idea what time it is?" he asked me grumpily, ignoring my glare and standing aside to let me enter. I stormed past him in a huff. "And why the hell didn't you just use your key?"

I spun around and pulled my over-coat off violently. "Because I lent them to you this morning, dick. Because _you_ lost _yours_. Again." I hung my coat up on the rack of hooks Anna had pointly given us last Christmas. Prior to that, we'd all just dropped out stuff on the floor.

He blinked, and had the grace to look a little shame-faced. "Oh." He looked more closely at my angry face and winced. "I'll make it up to you, promise. I'll cook breakfast tomorrow morning. Or something."

I sighed. "Fine. Goodnight."

And I left him standing in the hall, still looking bleary and dazed, and stormed off to my side of the apartment.

Ben and I had a very clear separation throughout the apartment. Once, it had been divided into three's, when Anna had still lived with us. But she'd moved out 2 years ago with Layne, and both Ben and I had scrambled hastily to claim the space she'd left us with. No-mans land for the time. At the end of a week of silent fighting and pointly placed coloured tape, Ben had successfully claimed the study, I'd won Anna's old room, we'd both managed a bathroom each, and we'd grudgingly divided the kitchen into equal half's. The coffee maker was on my side, the toaster on his. The sink was in the middle.

Even now, we both followed our once taped divisions unconsciously, and with the ease of long-term house-mates. Ben and I weren't friends exactly, but we knew one another's habits, and we played around them easily. It generally made for peaceful living. Times like tonight were the exception.

I walked into my room and flicked the light on, oddly comforted as always, just by being here. This room, more than anything else in this world, was mine. It was filled with _my_ stuff, and the bed I slept on was _my_ bed, and the stuff strewn all over the adjoining bathroom were _my_ toiletries.

I stripped quickly and jumped in the shower, letting the warm water slide all over my skin and calm me down as only it could. I lifted my face to the soft spray and smiled. It almost made a bad day worth it, just so I could home and be relaxed like this. It was almost like a cleansing. Wash away all the dirt, all the grime, all the bad news from all the hours earlier, and emerge fresh and clean again. A white pallet, I thought as I switched the shower off after a few minutes of bliss, to be written all over again tomorrow.

The towel I wrapped around myself was fluffy and white. I liked to spoil myself with towels. They were my weakness. What was better than getting out of a warm shower and wrapping yourself in a warm, fuzzy towel? Very little, I thought.

Feeling more relaxed than I had all day, I forced myself to think of Anna, or Layne, or Ben, as I climbed into the bed. I forced myself not to think of anything at all while I fell asleep. And I refused to think that for even a moment, my dreams would be spoilt by that flash of auburn hair and laughter I'd become so familiar with over the years.

My night would be dreamless, I promised myself. Absolutely dreamless.

XXXX

It wasn't.

I woke in cold sweat, gasping, my hands clenched in the sheets that tangled unevenly around my body.

After a moment, I came too, and realised that the sheets my hands grasped were silky, not harsh cotton, and the things that tangled around my body weren't human, but silky also. And the laughter and voices in my head were just that, voices in my head.

I opened my eyes slowly, blinking a little in the sunlight that poured through the curtains I'd forgotten to close last night, and sighed heavily.

I'd always convinced myself that I'd managed to bury that night, but everything I tried to forget about just haunted me in my dreams instead. There was no escaping it. I didn't see any point now. I'd always dream of it, I knew that. Part of me, the strong part, was revolted I was so weak, that something that happened to so long ago could still have this affect on me. The other part of me just wanted to cower in fear and run to the nearest shelter.

Which I would _never_ do.

I was not going to let the dreams conquer me.

Never.

A soft knock came at my door, and I jerked in surprise a little.

"Lyssa? You awake?" Ben's voice was hesitant, he knew the kind of moods I usually woke in. "Because I made you breakfast. Just like I said you would. You do like bacon and eggs right?"

Mmmm. I could feel my mouth watering already.

"Lyssa?"

I imagined I could already smell the bacon, sizzling deliciously in our favourite fry-pan.

"I'll be right out!" I replied, and hurried from the bed into a dressing gown, tying it firmly around my waist. I might not have much of a body, but Ben had always been uncomfortable around anyone who was less than fully dressed. But this time, the dressing gown would have to do. I was already fantasising about the dripping bacon, no way was I getting dressed for _that_.

Christ, how long had it been since I'd eaten?

I tried to count it on my fingers, but quickly gave up. No matter. The bacon was waiting for me.

I hurried out of the room.

XXXX

Ben was sitting on his side of the dining table, a plate of bacon and eggs infront of him, a glass of orange juice, and a newspaper spread out before him. He glanced up when I entered, and with his knife, gestured to the plate across from his. I took the place eagerly.

We ate in silence for a while. Ben was engrossed in his newspaper, one of those socialist hippy papers that ragged on about the environment and climate change. I'd read a few of them before, and to Bens disappointment, they hadn't really sparked anything inside me. I was no protester. I was a good tax-payer. And even if I did run an Art House, I still lived by the rules.

I watched him as he ate, but covertly, because he always grew uncomfortable at the slightest thing. He had liked me when Anna and I had first moved in with him, which was a surprise to me, since Anna was blonde and beautiful and buxom. He'd snorted at me when I'd suggested this though, and just shook his head. "As if I would like _her_," he'd sneered, in an unusual show of back-bone. And I had blinked at him and hadn't said anything else of the matter.

But looking at him now, there was no sign of that boy we'd first moved in with. Ben might still be shy, but now he stammered less and he had that no-nonsense look about him that set me in my place often than most people dared. He's grown his hair longer, and a few years ago had made some attempt at dread-locking, and then given up. He had lovely hair, even if he did call it mousy, and it only off-set his blunt-featured face and kind eyes. He was the artistic type, that dramatic artist who sneered at society and still managed to participate in it without the haze of marijuana smoke that usually accompanied guys like him.

And now, as I watched him, he raised his eyes and looked at me and cleared his throat pointly.

"Can I help you?" There was only the slightest tinge of blush on his ruddy cheeks.

I blinked and forced myself to rein in my thoughts. "Thankyou for the breakfast," I said quickly, to cover for the awkward silence when I hadn't answered him.

He shrugged lightly. "Thankyou for the key." He reached into his pocket and pulled out my key chain. "Here, take this back. I won't be home till late tonight."

I raised an eyebrow but took the key from him, "Assignment?"

Ben ran errands for the local NEWS station. Usually he just drove the _OnTheRoad_ truck around and gave out prizes and freebies to kids and pamphlets to their parents, but sometimes he was asked to accompany the reporters out to events and functions which might be of interest. He liked his job, even if he wrinkled his nose up every time he talked about it. _Its just Government propaganda, _he's told me once. _Bloody right wing journalists. _

Just like he knew he would, Ben wrinkled his nose. "Yeah. Some damn Charity Dinner. 200 fucking bucks a head, all proceeds to charity. I don't really see the point. If they're going to pay that much for one dinner, they may as well just forward the damn money straight to Care for the World. Save all the chef's money too."

I refrained from comment, and cleared both our plates unasked. Ben left to 'dress-up', and I had already finished the washing up when he returned later, his t-shirt and jeans replaced by a casual grey suite jacket and slacks. Even his hair was pulled back.

"Ben! You look almost respectable," I teased him, turning from the sink to tease him.

He grimaced at me, but blushed anyway. "Yeah yeah, see you later then. I've got to sprint, I'm already late." He picked up his bag, slung it over his shoulder, and with a hasty wave, left quickly.

XXXX


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

I didn't hurry to work. There really wasn't any need. The Art House, as it was called, didn't usually open till 10. And 11 on Mondays. I lounged around the apartment and picked out my clothing carefully. I even applied my make-up carefully. Just a touch of eye-liner around my eyes, and a hint of blush to give my pale cheeks some colour. I frowned at my reflection, but didn't even bother with the hair; it would do what it willed. It was long and wildly curly, the colour brown that had been called mahogany by an overly optimistic Anna, and which I just called brown. Plain brown. Boring and basic.

I left the apartment at 10:30, locked the door and shoved the key into the pocket of my long, brown over coat. Mrs White glared at me when I passed her on the stairwell, and her lips pursed when I smiled sweetly at her.

"Morning," I greeted her cheerfully, and just laughed when she slammed the door in my face. I felt unaccountably cheerful this morning. Maybe it was the eggs and bacon. Or the prospect of a full house at the gallery. Even if they were screaming children who would all prefer to visit McDonalds.

Anna Ray rang me just as I was crossing the street. I scrambled in my pocket for my phone, and ignored the glares I was receiving from the other pedestrians as I hastily tried to dodge and wind my way to the other side of the street.

"Hello?'

"Lyssa, it's me." Her voice sounded a little breathy. And nervous.

"Whats wrong?"

There was a pause, then; "oh nothing, I just….I wondered if you could do a little favour for me?"

Uh. No. Anna's 'little favours' always ended up as a blind date. For me.

"Anna, I really don't have time for this now," I said, as I finally made it to the other side of the road. The traffic of people eased off a little, and in the distance I could see the brightly painted purple and red building that screamed Art House in a yellow sign hanging from the balcony shop-front.

"It will only take a minute."

I sighed. She'd never give up if I didn't listen to her this time. "Fine. Shoot."

"Well, it's the friend of mine you see. Gabriel. See, he's been awfully lonely lately and I told him that I'd, you know, set him up with one of my friends. Or something."

Gabriel? _The_ Gabriel? I suppose it was almost an honour that she thought me good enough for Gabriel. All I'd ever heard about him was how wonderful he was. How kind. How generous. How handsome. It was enough to make anyone sick. And if he was so damn wonderful, I seriously doubted he's have any trouble getting girls of his own. Which made me wonder if this was all a set-up. Maybe she way paying him to take me out or something.

"And let me guess, you offered me up on a golden platter."

"No! Lyssa, you know I'd never do that!"

Right.

"I just…thought I'd ask."

"You know the answer to that Anna."

"Lyssa…_please_…" she wheedled, "just this once."

"You said that last time Anna, and the time before that. And the time before that."

I ignored the angry glare of a passer-by when I almost barrelled into him. I checked my watch. 10:55. Shit. Hardly enough time to get in and turn on the lights, at the very least.

"This time I mean it. I _swear_, if you go out with Gab, then I will ever _ever_ try to set you up again."

I grimaced. "Why do you do this too me Anna?"

"You just seemed a bit down late," she said, instantly defensive. She hated to be reminded just how intruding some of her 'favours' were.

"So you thought you'd set me up with a _guy_? You should have just gotten me a box of chocolates."

"Lyssa, _come on_, just this once. Gabby's different, I swear. And if you go out with him, just one date, I will never do this again."

I sighed. Never again? It was too good an opportunity to pass up?

"Do you give me your solemn vow never to try and set me up with another guy is I go out with Gabriel?"

"I swear," her grave voice crackled down the line.

I heaved another defeated sigh.

"Fine. I'll do it."

I'd reached Art House finally, and I fiddled with the door for a moment before I pushed inside. It was always hard to get the key to turn in the lock. Like there was sand in there or something.

I switched on the lights, and blinked in the sudden brilliance.

"Look, Anna, I really need to go, the-"

"-school kids are coming, I know. I'll ring you tonight okay? Later."

The phone beeped against my ear and I pulled it away and frowned at it. Her voice had been entirely too satisfied. Even more satisfied then normal. And smug. And why the insistence about this damn Gabriel? Why would she swear off all other set-ups just for this one, tiny, insignificant date?

I shook my head and shoved the phone back in my pocket.

Whatever, I'd think about it later, I decided, and I made my way slowly through the gallery, switching on the lights as I went.

XXXX

I had just locked the door behind the very last of the school-kids with a relieved sigh, when the phone rang again.

"Hello?"

"Lyssa?"

I frowned, not recognising the voice at first. "Who is this?"

"Honey, its Greg." My eyes flew wide, but he didn't wait for me to fill the sudden silence. "Look babe, I left some stuff at your place. I was wondering if I could come by and get it tonight."

It was annoying habit of Greg's, to always call me things like 'honey' and 'babe'. It was like he was trying to avoid using my name, like he didn't really see _me_, only his girlfriend. His 'babe'. I knew that for a lot of people, it was only an endearment, but with Greg, that was what it felt like.

"We broke up 6 months ago, and you're only just now remembering whatever it is you left at mine?"

"Look, I don't want to fight about this okay? Can I just come over later?"

"I'm sure you can do without it, if you've done without for 6 months," I said irritably, making my way through the gallery and switching off the lights as I went.

"Lyssa. Come on." He sounded exasperated. "I need this."

I shrugged into my over-coat and unlocked the gallery door again, forcing myself not to shiver when the cool dusky air washed over me.

"Well if you need it so bad," I said testily, my temper only intensified by the chill of the air, "I'm sure you won't mind looking through the rubbish heap for whatever it is. Since that we're I put all your stuff when we broke up."

And then, with a satisfying click, I hung up at him.

I tried not to think about him on my walk home, but really, what on earth had possessed him to call? Out of the blue, after 6 months of silence? When we'd first broken up I'd atleast expected him to _try_ to get me back, and when he hadn't, well, I'd gotten over him easily enough. It wasn't too hard, especially with his last words swimming around in my head 24/7. "_You're just a frigid stick Lyssa; you've got no passion in you. No wonder I went looking for a warmer piece of ass_."

No, it hadn't been too hard to get over him after _that_.

But why the hell was he calling now? And what had he left at my place? Unless some old t-shirt of his had somehow made it into Ben's closet by mistaken identity, I was sure there had been nothing left of his when he'd stalked out that last time. Anna and I had made sure of that, having met him at the door with a garbage bag full of all his possessions that he'd managed to scatter about the apartment throughout the 6 months of our relationship.

No, I didn't understand why he called.

And as I tucked my hands deep inside my heavy brown over-coat, I hoped that he never called again.

XXXX


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

"Girl, please tell me you're not wearing _that_ on the date."

It was a week since Anna had called me, begging to set me up with The Gabriel. I'd agreed, but only after extracting a promise from her that she would never attempt to set me up again, if I went out with Gabriel this one time.

It was too good an offer to turn down.

I turned away from the mirror on my closet door and frowned at Anna. She sat on my bed, my cd collection all about her, and her eyes fixed with disbelief on my trousers and blouse. Anna had come over about an hour earlier on the pretence of 'borrowing' an album. I knew it was just an excuse to make sure I dressed appropriately for Gabriel.

But I had let her in anyway.

Stupid me.

"What's wrong with this?" I asked her defensively, glancing down. It wasn't _that_ bad. Loose black trousers, I plain white close-fitting blouse. I had even added a touch of jewellery. I small silver necklace Anna had given me for my birthday 3 years ago, and my grandmother's ring.

She rolled her eyes heavenward. "You like you're going to a funeral," she told me in a voice that clearly implied that if I was a normal person; I would _know_ all of this. "Or a business meeting."

I turned back to the mirror, glanced over myself critically. Okay, so the clothes made me look a little skinny, and distinctly un-curvy. But who even cared? Anna and I both knew I was only going out tonight because it was the easiest road out of Blind Date Land. A place where Anna ruled unopposed.

"So?" I said.

Anna frowned at me disapprovingly. "Well, you could at least make a _little_ effort Lyssa. He is taking you to one of the most expensive restaurants in the city."

"Well I'm not wearing rags am I? So it shouldn't be a problem."

This only earned a pointed glare from my best friend, who uncrossed her legs with a huff and walked into my closet. She riffled through my clothes, making disgusted noises every now and then, and finally emerged, to my horror, with a red dress in her arms.

"I am _not_ wearing that."

Anna ignored me, laid it out on the bed and started picking out jewellery to go with it. I stared at the red dress, feeling a little sick. It was my most revealing outfit, actually. Even though it was knee-length and the neck-line wasn't too atrocious. I wasn't much into revealing my body. I was a jeans and tee girl.

"_Anna_," I said, "I told you. I'm not wearing it."

She turned around; put her hands on her hips. "Lyssa, you _promised_."

"I promised that I would go on a _date_ with him Anna. That's it."

"Exactly. That you would go on a date. And this," she gestured to the red dress, "is what you wear on a date. Not something that I _know_ you wore to your aunt's funeral."

I crossed my arms and refused to comment.

There was no way, no matter what she said, that I would wear the dress.

I wasn't putting myself on display.

Not even for so-special Gabriel.

Anna just stared at me silently, an angry glint in her eye.

I would _not_ give in.

XXX

I wore the red dress.

"You can stop smirking at me now," I snapped, turning away from the mirror for the second time that afternoon and glaring at her.

Anna didn't say anything, just handed me a set of black opal earrings. I snatched them out of her hands and stormed into the bathroom to put them on. I'd never quite mastered the art of putting an earring in without having to look in a mirror to do it.

"I think he's here," I heard her calling from my room, and when I re-emerged from the bathroom she was kneeling on my bed, her head leaning out the window and squinting down into the darkness. "Atleast, I _think_ it's him."

I quickly packed a small black purse with anything I might need that night. A phone, mirror, emergency eye-liner, wallet and breath-fresh mints. Even if I didn't like the guy, I still cared about personal hygiene.

My doorbell rang a few minutes later, and I heard Ben answer it.

"Yes?" Ben's voice demanded, sounding impatient.

"I'm here to pick up Lyssa," a smooth, cultured tone replied calmly, and I winced. I knew the face that went with that sort of look. Smooth and cleanly handsome. Exactly the kind of guy I didn't do.

"Right," I heard Ben say, I'll just go get her." I heard him thump down the hall and knock on my bedroom door.

"Lys, you're dates here."

Then he thumped away.

I shot a panicked glance at Anna but she only rolled her eyes at me.

"You'll like him," she promised in a whisper, pushing me towards the bedroom door and ignoring my wordless protests. "I promise."

And then she shoved me outside into the hall, and I had no choice but to walk down the hall towards my 'date', a fake smile plastered all over my face.

XXXX


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

Note to self: find Anna at earliest opportunity. Kill her.

I glanced across at the man sitting across from me and looked away just as quickly. Okay, so he was everything I expected. And everything Anna had told me he wasn't. Which was, well, not good.

I mean, okay, so I might be a little cynical about most things, but really I was just being realistic. But that didn't mean that I liked all my little cynical thoughts about the human race to be so blatantly proven to me by a man my best friend had _recommended_.

And the moment I got home I was going to call up Anna and recommend she see a doctor of some kind. Or lay off the drugs. Because obviously she was delusional. Obviously she had been living in some sort of fairy-land when it came to Gabriel. Obviously he had some kind of spell over her that made her thing he was actually _nice_.

Because he wasn't.

And I couldn't believe that I, Lyssa Brensel, hater of all things male, and having thought my lesson with Greg 6 months earlier had been learned, had once again decided to place some sort of pathetic trust in the non-female population of this world and go on a date.

What the hell had I been thinking?

A million blind dates had to better than this…this _silence_. Atleast, usually, the men _tried_ to woo me a little, if only so they could have a quick fuck and be off home. When they realised I wasn't going to bite the bait (or suck it or lick it for that matter), they usually fucked off as quickly as they came. I _knew_ that. It was practically a routine.

But this? This was just plain horrible. I'd never felt quite so low in my whole life. Or quite so uninteresting and boring and dull.

I was going to _kill_ Anna.

I glanced at him again, uneasily.

I hadn't tried to make conversation since we'd sat down. So far, the only thing he had said to me, as he had allowed a waiter to take his coat and lead us to the table, went like this.

_Gabriel_: So I guess you got forced into this too.

_Me_: (feeling slightly uncomfortable) Uh…yeah.

_Gabriel_: (nodding) Well then, atleast we don't have to pretend to be enjoying ourselves.

_Me_: (not knowing what to say) Right…

And then he had shot me a dryly amused look and an arched eyebrow that said clearly 'I cant believe Anna set me up with such a dumb bitch. Could she even string a sentence together?'

Brilliant start to the night, if you must know.

I must be sure to tell Anna all about it next time I see her. While I'm ripping her head off for making me go through this.

I shifted in my seat uncomfortably and looked over at him again. He was staring off in another direction, his lips pursed, and his face carefully blank. Everything about him was smooth, blank. There was no indication at all that he was anything more than an extremely well-made robot. His blonde hair was impeccable, neat, his skin evenly tanned, his face a series of generically handsome clean cut lines, his suit impossibly neat, well pressed, sophisticated.

Only his eyes were anything interesting, the lightest shade of blue I had ever seen, but they too, were icy, remote.

As if feeling my stare he turned his head a little and looked at me, and one of his perfectly shaped blonde eyebrows rose a little.

"Can I help you?"

Yes. That's what he said. Can I help you. Like I was a particularly pestering customer instead of his date. And okay, I was his unwilling date, but no girl liked to be treated like they were less than the shit underneath a mans boot. Even I liked a little friendliness.

I was sure I looked angry, sure my eyes were glaring rather than polite, but he just looked vaguely amused and looked down at the menu on the table before him.

"Have you chosen you're order yet?" he asked, coolly polite.

I just glared at him.

Oh sorry, I felt like saying, am I holding you up? Am I little inconvenient for you? Am I not robotic and clean-cut and sophisticated enough for you? THEN WHY THE HELL DID YOU AGREE TO COME ON A DATE WITH ME?

"No," I bit out, and resisted the urge to shove the menu off the table and onto the ground.

_Don't be childish Lyssa_, I told myself. It _will just make you feel worse._

"Oh. Well if you can help it, don't order the Lobster okay? I'm not in the mood to splurge on dinner."

Well alright then Mr-Smooth.

I stared at him defiantly for a moment, but he didn't raise his eyes, or give any indication of my silent rebellion. So I dropped my eyes to the menu and let my gaze roam over it. None of it really interested me. After this, I didn't really have much appetite.

The waiter re-appeared a few minutes later, looking every bit as haughty and sophisticated as my date.

"Are you ready to order Sir?" he asked in a clipped, no-nonsense voice.

Gabriel looked up from his menu at the waiter and I almost fainted when I saw what happened next.

He smiled at him.

Gabriel, king-of-cool, _smiled_ at a waiter.

Had I just witnessed some kind of miracle?

"Yes thankyou," (my god, he was being polite too!) "I'd like the Spanish soup thanks, keep the onion." He looked over at me expectantly, and raised that damn eyebrow again. The waiter turned to look at me also, their expressions almost identical in sophisticated disdain.

"And you, ma'am?"

I glanced at my menu again, panicked a little. "Um…I'll have the same as him," I finally said, ignoring both their smirks when the waiter, with a flourish of his pen, gathered up the menus.

"Thankyou sir," the waiter said, nodding at Gabriel and then leaving quickly, looking brisk and efficient as he deftly side-stepped arriving customers and disappeared into the kitchen. I watched Gabriel watch him go.

Finally, his attention (or whatever it was) returned back to me.

"So," he said finally, after a long moment of uncomfortable silence. "A bit of polite conversation wouldn't be too remiss don't you think?"

Recovering from the shock that this statement induced, I glared at him. "Please, don't make any effort on _my_ account," I snapped back.

He raised that damn eyebrow again, but his expression looked more amused than condescending. "No, I haven't been very civil have I?" he didn't look the least apologetic.

I blinked at him. Had he just said what I think he said?

Had he just…almost apologised?

Surely not.

"I think you've made it clear that there's no reason for any of us to make any effort at all." I said, meeting his eyes angrily and folding my arms.

Gabriel didn't say anything, nothing about his expression changed. "There isn't," he said simply, "any reason to, I mean. You're not interested and, believe me, _I'm_ not interested." (Okay, ouch.) "This is all going to come to nothing anyway. Whats the point?"

Good god, had I just met my match in the cynic department?

"Why are you so sure?" I asked, wondering what sort of impression I had made that he was so bitter about the whole deal.

Gabriel met my eyes. "Why am I so sure it will come to nothing?"

I nodded.

"Because it always does."

Okay. I shall gracefully resign my post as most bitter human being in the city. I atleast have a little hope. That little part of me that hoped that one day, somewhere, she would meet her Prince Charming and everything would be right in the world.

This man, though…I couldn't compete with that.

"Oh," I said. Because that was all I could think to say.

"And believe me," Gabriel continued, smiling humourlessly, "you're not my type."

Wow. This guy sure knew the way to every girl's heart.

I smiled at him tightly. "You sure have a way with the ladies."

Gabriel looked at little surprised at this remark, and glanced around the restaurant before returning his gaze to me.

"Look, I'm sorry I'm being such a bitter old fart," he said, to my astonishment, since I had never imagined the words like 'old fart' coming out of a mouth as polished ad prefect as Gabriel's, "But Anna's been doing this too me for years, convinced that if she just found the right girl, I would see all the good a woman could do for me." He looked disgusted at this, but resigned to. "And I just go along with it, because I know it means a lot to her, and I can't be bothered trying to say no."

I could definitely relate to that,

"And she promised me that if I went out with you tonight, she'd never set me up with another blind date my entire life," he continued.

I grinned. I couldn't help it. It was almost nice to know that someone other than me suffered from Anna's friendship.

"You got that speech to?"

Gabriel looked surprised, again, and then nodded, and this time real amusement made him smile. "She plays us well doesn't she?"

I shrugged, "she knows how to hit where it hurts, and then put the band-aid right where it will do the most good. For her."

Gabriel looked like he couldn't have said anything better himself.

We sat in silence for a moment, but it wasn't as awkward and strained as before. Now that it was cleared that both of us, definitely, didn't want to be here, it was okay. A type of comradeship, if you will.

"But that just leaves one question," Gabriel said after a moment.

I looked up at him curiously.

"If we both know that this is going to come to nothing," he said carefully, and looked a little less tense when I nodded agreement, "then you can be damn sure _she_ knew it was going to come to nothing." Again, I nodded agreement. "So if all three of us know that setting this blind-date up is completely hopeless, then why did she give up so much for us just to meet each other?"

Now _there_ was an interesting question.

XXXX


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

"Anna," I said into the phone in my sternest voice possible. "You have a fuck-load of explaining to do."

There was a mumbled groan and then a "whaaaaaa…?" followed by another groan, then a cough "Is that you Lyssa?" She still sounded tired, but atleast I could understand her.

"Yeah," I said, unlocking the apartment and stepping aside, kicking it closed behind me with my foot. "It's me."

"What the hell are you doing ringing this late?"

"Oh, I'm sorry," I said in my sweetest voice, the one that screamed 'danger'. "Did I wake you?"

"Cant this wait until morning?" Now she sounded cautious. Good.

"No," I said shortly, stomping through the apartment to my bedroom. I flicked on the light switch. "This _cannot_ wait until morning."

"What the hells wrong?"

"I'd like an explanation."

"About _what_?"

"_Gabriel_," I hissed my reply, holding the phone between ear and shoulder and slipping off my heels, necklace, ring and earrings.

"Gabriel? What about him? Didn't you like him?" Okay, so she sounded confused. Maybe Gabriel was a good actor and had managed to delude Anna into thinking he's nice. Well, obviously, there was no other explanation. Even after sorting out everything tonight, he'd still been as cold a jerk as _before_ our little talk. Except to the waiter. Who he actually smiled at. _Again_.

"I don't think that was the problem, Anna," I snapped. "I think it was more question of whether he liked _me_."

Silence. Then, "Oh."

My eyes narrowed. "Oh _what_?"

More silence. "Its…nothing, really, I just thought, well, you might hit it off. Or something"

"And it just escaped you're notice that _darling_ Gabriel happens to be the biggest ice queen this side of the planet? For christ sake, he's even worse than _me_!"

"He's not. Not really," Anna hurried to defend her friend. "It's just…"

"_What_?"

"He's just….a little…defensive sometimes."

"You're not making any sense," I told her acidly. "All I know is that I just spent the last 3 hours of my life feeling like a piece of shit because I wasn't good enough for some guy to even _attempt_ polite conversation with me."

Anna sighed into the phone, and it sounded sad. "Its not you Lyssa, it's hard to explain. It's just…you're not really his _type_."

I processed that for a moment. It sounded eerily familiar to what Gabriel had told me earlier.

_You're not interested and, believe me, __**I'm**__ not interested._

What sort of normal, red-blooded male specimen said that? Just said something that would so blatantly ruin any chances of a lay? No guy _I_ had ever known.

Only the gay…Oh my god.

"Anna," I said hoarsely, "please don't tell me that Gabriel is _gay_." I sat down on my bed with a thump.

Not that I had any problem with that. Believe me, I don't. Not one little bit. Love is love, and wherever you can find, I say take it. It comes rarely enough. And I don't have any sort of problem hanging out with anyone whose interest lies in the same gender, but going on a _date_ with them? I mean, come on, its just logic. You don't _date_ people if you don't even like that particular _gender_.

Anna was conspicuously silent.

"_Anna_." I repeated again, "tell me I'm wrong."

Silence.

A resigned sigh.

I exploded.

"What the hell were you _thinking_?" I yelled, louder than I should.

"lyssa-"

I yelled over the top of her. "What was even the point of all of this then? Unless you had some sort of whacked out idea that I'd be the woman to turn him straight?

"Lyssa!-"

"Because we _both_ know that's not going to happen. I'm not even woman enough for men who like women, let alone men who like _men_!"

"Lyssa!"

"_What_?!"

"Calm down!"

"No _you_ calm down!" I even winced as I said it.

"Oh, real mature Lyssa," Anna said sarcastically. "Lets all take a step back to kindergarten."

"Well atleast I'm not a complete insane _whack-job_ who still believes in fairy-tales!"

"And whats that supposed to mean?" Anna snapped at me, sounding angry.

I rose to the challenge easily enough, her own temper increasing mine threefold. "Atleast I'm realistic," I spat back. "Atleast I don't go around ruining people lives because I have some misguided notion that I can make everything _right_ in the world."

Anna gasped, "I do _not_ ruin people lives!" She sounded like she was going to cry, and realising that, my temper evaporated instantly. I could never stay angry at Anna. Especially when she was upset.

"Anna," I said again, quietly, "I'm sorry. I'm just angry. I just feel like such a fool."

I heard her sniff, and her voice was quieter too, "Why do you feel like a fool?"

"Because I went on a date with a _gay_ guy, Anna. And I spent the whole time wondering why he was making eyes at the waiter and not at me…" I trailed off, groaned. "It was fucking _obvious_, now I think about it."

Anna sighed, "It probably wasn't. Don't beat yourself up about it, he usually hides it well. And it wasn't your fault Lyssa; _I'm_ the one that set you up."

"Why though?"

I pictured her shrugging. "I just wanted you guys to meet. Even though it doesn't have romantic potential, Gab's a great friend Lyss, just the kind you need. You just seemed so…perfect…for each other."

"Then why didn't you just introduce…" I broke off, "wait, what do you mean, 'he's just the kind of friend I need'? You're my best friend Anna; _you're_ the one I need."

She laughed dryly, and there wasn't so much amusement in it as sadness. The kind of laughter you give when you're trying not to cry. "Oh come on Lyss. You and I both know I haven't been the best friend lately. And now there's Layne…well, serious Layne…"

"Laynes' always been serious," I said, smiling. She ignored me.

"And now there's Layne," she continued, "and well. I know we're not as close as we used to be…I just thought Gab might do you some good."

I raised my eyebrows at that. "So basically, you felt guilty about not being around as much, so you thought you'd sell me off to you're other best friend? Is that it?"

There was an uncomfortable silence. "Yeah," Anna said finally, sounding tired, "that's it."

I sighed.

For some reason, Anna's reasoning didn't come as a shock to me. She always had to find the most round-about way of doing things.

Still.

"Darling, you do realise you're not responsible for my happiness right?" I asked her.

Anna hesitated before agreeing.

"So next time, instead of trying to '_set me up'_, just tell me you're not going to be around as much okay, and I'll sort my own happiness out."

Or try to, atleast. Anna was the only person I had ever bothered to open up to.

Or trusted.

And I still had never trusted her with my biggest secret. The secret that terrified me every night. Every day. Every date.

I was sure what I was going to do without Anna, because right now, it sounded like she was breaking up with me.

Or you know, doing the equivalent thing of what people in a relationship do. Except when they're best friends.

And we were breaking up in a way. This was her way of saying 'look, I love you and all. But I just need a little more space. Why don't we try an open relationship for a while? Try out different people? All that jazz?'

And fuck, it hurt.

Not because she was saying she didn't want to see me anymore. It was more the fact that she'd tried to hide it from me. And sell me off to someone else to hide it from me. And not even tell me the truth about that person.

I felt pretty shit, if truth must be known.

But I wasn't about to tell her that.

"Look, Anna, you get some sleep alright? I'm sorry to have called so late. I'll see you later okay?" And without giving her a chance to reply, I hung up.

XXXX


End file.
